I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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