I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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