what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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