I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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