well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
