Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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