I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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