and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
