Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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