your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
