If that was your dad, he is hot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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