in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
