the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
