Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
