eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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