I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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