Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I met the friendliest cop last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
