I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
