He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
