I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
