i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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