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• (810): View more from Michigan

  You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Experience is the best teacher

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

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• (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

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• (650): View more from California

  Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

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• (716): View more from New York

  Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?

  (585): View more from New York

  Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.

  (716): View more from New York

  .......

  (585): View more from New York

  I'm just looking out for you.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.

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