I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do vagina's smell?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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