I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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