You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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