I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
