If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
