every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
