Cold hands, warm shart.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
