let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
