Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
