lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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