Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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