Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
