I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
