please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
