What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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