glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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