I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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