Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
