All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
