the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
