You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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