I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We got so high we made milksteak
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
