I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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