then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
