In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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