we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
