I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
