Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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